Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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