there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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