I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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