i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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