census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
