I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
