I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
