Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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