ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
