So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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