Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
