when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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