Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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