and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
