I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
