I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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