sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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