I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
