You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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