it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
