If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
