my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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