Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
