i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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