New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
sarcasm needs its own font
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
