Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
