did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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