Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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