I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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