Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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