just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
