Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
