it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
