im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
