Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
