wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
