I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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