I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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