I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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