IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
