even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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