The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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