I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
what day is it and did you see me today?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
how drunk are you?
Several
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
