I think my fart just growled at me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
