I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
