I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
