I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
