is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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