Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
