I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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