u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We left the knife in your bed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize