I hate your face
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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