I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize