eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
