I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
