I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
