You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Say something about gay babies.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
