my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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