I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wear drunk well.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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