I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
