I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He shit in the fireplace
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