I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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