I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize