why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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