What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
