So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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