Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
