Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize