threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
