Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
