my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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