I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
