she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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