I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
