So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
