I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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