the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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