omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
