Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
