whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
