So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
