I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
