I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
