do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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