That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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