; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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