the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
how does that bad decision feel?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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