So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
