It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize