Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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