so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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