I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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