Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
