Already got asked if we're dating
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
