On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex on a dog bed..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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