Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
