i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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